December 8th, 2006
I feel like horrible crap. I've gained more weight than I ever thought I would. I'm 160 freaking pounds. I promised myself I would never get over 150. Why don't I care enough about myself to stop eating so much and let myself be happy? I'm not saying that losing weight is going to make me instantly happy....but stopping the eating would. Am I punishing myself because I hate myself? Do I eat and make myself fatter bc I think it's what I deserve? I don't deserve it! I'm a nice person, I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm nice and good, and I don't deserve to be miserable! I feel like I need help, but I know that no one else can really help me, I have to do it. How?
October 23rd, 2006
So, I took control for 3 days and I felt much better, I had feelings again. I didn't feel as numb and depressed as I was starting to become. Then yesterday and today I ate too much and felt horrible again. So now that I know how much better I can feel, I'm going to stick to it. And I have a clear goal. I want to be 115 by my birthday, march 5th. I will treat myself to a completely new wardrobe (god knows I need it) and whatever else will make me feel better about myself! It's really making me sad that our community has disintegrated. If you've found a new, more active community, let us know so the remaining members can move there. Wishing all of you well, Em
October 19th, 2006
|emmie5||01:30 pm - Taking control again|
I've become completely disgusted with myself and I don't like the person I've become, physically. I'm going back to counting calories and being obsessive, bc you know what? -It worked for me. And I'd really like to see this community pick up! We need to get going on this, we can't be miserable like this for the rest of our lives! Let's stop making excuses, and stop letting our stomachs rule our lives. We have the choice to eat too much or eat just enough to lose weight. We can do it, we just let ourselves give in too much. And I'm going to take control of the whole situation now and I hope you'll all help me get this place going so we can have a place to come to talk with about our victories! - Em
September 7th, 2006
Today was the worst day ever. I had to go shopping for clothes (see last post) and nothing fit right. And that mirror made me see just how huge I am. And I was so close to crying just remembering how a couple years ago I was in the same store happy as Ive ever been because I was 25 pounds lighter and tight shirts looked cute on me. Today made me get real serious real quick about wanting to get in shape and lose this disgusting fat. No more donuts or cookies at work (damn the people who bring them in!) No ordering dinner out, no running to the store when no one is around for a muffin or pint of ice cream, ew! I am getting thin and I will be happy. When I need motivation, I'll remember how I felt today.
September 6th, 2006
So I'm going to a wedding saturday and I don't have any dress clothes that fit. So now I have to go shopping for bigger clothes. This sucks. On a higher note, digging through my closet unearthed my "skinny clothes" which were a motivation to get off my ass (literally) and do something about my weight. Here we go again....
September 4th, 2006
I'm having a lot of trouble losing weight or even maintaining because of the Effexor I'm on. It makes me feel less upset about being fat. But I can still feel the hatred for my body bubbling underneath and it's like being different people. I wish I could go without the meds, but I've tried that and it doesn't work! Well, all I can do is try again and try to build my willpower. Wish me luck! - Em
August 30th, 2006
So I am doing well, trying not to focus on food as much, but still recording calories bc otherwise I just go haywire. Everytime I get a craving I just feel the chunk of fat on my belly and that reminds me that, "yes, I do hate being fat and I want to lose weight". Plus, there are some things I want but will not allow myself until I am thinner. Such as new clothes (obviously), a couple new tattoos:) sexy lingerie:P I'm not expecting to lose weight quickly or without setback at this point, I just want to stop this teeter-totter!
August 27th, 2006
I agree, the community needs to pick up.
Mrs Twiglet, where are you?
I miss you xx
August 17th, 2006
|emmie5||08:43 pm - the frustration|
I think the worst part for me about my ed, binge-eating disorder/compulsive overeating is the loss of control. I know that logically I CAN stop. But at the time, I feel completely powerless. What makes it harder is that my anti-depressants make me less crazy about my fat, but sometimes my old self screams through, " You're getting fat...lose weight, starve yourself again! Does anyone else feel like the person they fight most with is themselves? - Em
August 15th, 2006
|emmie5||08:24 am - Welcome!|
Welcome to those who join us! This community will hopefully be taking the place of ed_truth, whose moderator has gone MIA. We will continue the support that we had there, a great group who really care about one another.